iSheHidesLove
by Dottynha
Summary: Sam Puckett is hiding something. She is in crisis but nobody knows, so she tries help herself and expresses her fellings. HOW? You need to see what she gets take off her chest.
1. I'm trying

**A/N: Sam is in the iCarly Studio, alone, a few minutes before Carly and Freddie arrive. She is writing something in her notebook, and it is represented in the first lines below. I invite you to read iTheReason and share more Sam's thoughts. I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for read. **

* * *

><p># Sam alone<p>

_"I'm sitting here writing in _my_ notebook some notes that I never have shared with anyone yet, and I probably won't. Carly and Freddie will arrive soon to rehearsal iCarly and I have to do it fast. I know I'm always late but today I just decided to arrive before them because my mom is getting me crazy and overshadowing my mind while I only want understand it._  
><em>I have many words to get off my chest however I'm feeling empty. My mom never have been able to explain me about feelings and I don't know how change my bad behavior just by myself , so let's try to write something. I think about so many things and all I had seen but never noticed that I can translate it into my feelings since I can't take it anymore and I'm ashamed to tell Carly even she has been my best friend. I never wanted to be something for you since I have hated you for my whole life. I never will be able to show it and tell you all I want to be for you, now. Every word leads to another and I just can't sto".<em>

# Sam decides write a poem, even it can be so weird to her.

_**"Emptiness**_

_**For you, I want to be the reason of everything,**_

_**For you, I want to be everything, even empty**_

_**For you, I want to be like the empty on your nights**_

_**For you, I want to be like nights when they are cold**_

_**For you, I want to be like cold because I can do fire**_

_**For you, I want to be like fire burning your mind**_

_**For you, I want to be the mind full ramblings**_

_**For you, I want to be ramblings when it is all**_

_**For you, I want to be all you have inside**_

_**For you, I want to be inside world**_

_**For you, I want to be your world and the sun**_

_**For you, I want to be like the sun lighting up your soul**_

_**For you, I want to be like a soul with a warmer heart**_

_**For you, I want to be like a heart with open arms to envolve you every day**_

_**For you, I want to be every day in your entire life**_

_** For you, I want to be your life and live it forever**_

_** For you, I want to be yours forever.**_

_**S.P."**_

_"This forever would be like what the spring does for us because we can have winter but it doesn't means I could love you less..." _

Sam starts to think it but doesn't write this time , when... -_My thoughts were interrupted by Carly and Freddie entering the room-_

**(Sam quickly stops writing and puts the notebook inside her bag. She doesn't notice that the bag is still open and ...) **

_Hey Sam_! Carly greeted Sam cheerfully.

_Hi Carls,_ Sam replys enthusiasm lacking in her voice, "what's up?"

_Hey, why are you in here all by yourself?_ Freddie asked Sam with his nub face.

_Eh, nothing, I'm just checking a shopping list, my mom never buys me things anyway_. She answered, chuckling slightly.

_Ha, I get it. So your mom doesn't even try?_ Freddie teased, but Sam glared and he stopped smiling like the jerk he is.

_"Whatever Frednerd, just forget about my mom, she's crazy_. _Let's start iCarly rehearsal_." Sam commented, standing up off of the beanbag.

_We have the rehearsal to do even though my mind was so far away from me. _Sam decides just forget it.

* * *

><p><strong>Wait the chapter II to see what will happen.<strong>


	2. I won't believe it

**A/N: Hello, friends. Thanks for waiting the chapter II of iSheHidesLove. I hope you enjoy it. I have been writing thinking about Sam and what she supposes to do. I invite you to read some changes I did on chapter I because would be good. Thanks for enjoy. **

* * *

><p>While Carly puts the things in order for start the rehearsal...<p>

_So, what we gonna do today, Carls?_ Sam says, since lately she has forgotten somethings.

_Ha, today, Sam, is the day we decided to try my **NEW SEGMENT** , hehe. _ Freddie proud of himself since they had been decided put on the show POP Questions with Freddie Benson after thousands emails from Freddie 's fans.

_Yep, let's give to the fans what they want_. Carly is pretty sure that would be fun.

_Is that, today?_ Sam seems freak out.

_What is wrong?_ Carly stops puting the things in the studio and asks to her friend.

Wo, so funny, can't wait to see it on the show. Sam Says wearing her sarcastic voice's tone, trying to pretend and masking what she had just said.

_I don't care, what you say Sam_.. Freddie responses feeling a king that he never was.

Sam looks at the floor, masking her feelings and trying hiding her sadness drinking a smoothie. That day, particulary Sam was so fragile that seeing Freddie saying or even doing some funny things could let he very adrift, and she wishes could be go home.

_So, why are bringing this guitar?_ Sam tried.

O_h, Carly told me that some fans asked me to singing a song and we gonna put it inside** my segment.**_

__  
><em>Hah, I think it would be good for iCarly the tecnichal producer and his new guitar's talents.<em> Carlys seems happy about that.

_Oh jeez, Why has he to sing?_. Sam thinks by herself and disguises saying to Carly:

_C'mon Carls that will be a violation to my ears._

_Sam, stop it, and help me with this microfone. _Carly laughs.

_OK, I hellllp you, girl. _

_Let's do it girls, In 5,4,3,2_ …. Freddie announces the rehearsal.

_Hey iCarly folks, I'm Carly ..._

_and I'm not Sam. Today we gonna star a new segment on iCarly named POP Questions with Freddie Benson. C'mon here Freddnerd..._

_Hey iCarly fans, I'm Freddie Be_..

_We know who you are Freddie, let's do this thing whatever._

_So, first, our fan bemethatsall44 asked Freddie : Can you sing a song and play something? _Carly introduces the the question.

_Yes, bemethatsall44, I can and today for you I will sing and play my guitar, so Carly what song do I have to play?_

**_"FAST CAR by Tracy Chapman " _**The girls announced the song together.

Sam is actually surprised because that song make her remember something. Freddie grabbed his new guitar and started to play musical notes in a beautiful way for who just has been taking classes. Carly and Sam just watching, Carly is smiling while Sam looks to any place less Freddie..

_[...] "I remember we were driving driving in your car_

_ The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us _

_And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder _

_And I had a feeling that I belonged _

_And I had a feeling I could be someone, _

_be someone, be someooooone..." [...]_

Freddie is inside the song and seems sing with soul, for a moment he he glares Carly and smiles.

_Ow, that's insane...isn't Sam?_ Carly asks her friend and looks at her without notice that she is totally affected with that.

Sam takes her bag so fast, and says suddenly:

_Huh, I gotta go , I have headache, call you later_..

Sam was that fast that her notebook was under the beanbag.

_Sam, wait, we are in the middle.. - we didn't finish yet..- SAM BACK HERE. _Carly yells.

Freddie stops playing . _What happened to her?_

_I swear, I don't know._ Carly really doesn't understand but doesn't make a big deal.

_According with Sam, we never know anything._ Freddie tries to say something to confort Carly.

_Hey, jeez Freddie, you were awesome, I mean seriously, You do have a talent to play guitar..._ Carly says forgeting about Sam..

_Thanks Carly anyway, I hope don't embarassed myself tomorrow on the show._ Freddie responses while cares his guitar...

Y_ou are good, don't worries, well, we didn't finished yet but-_

_It's ok, I'm good._ Says Freddie cheerfully. _I'm going downstairs eat something, you come?_

_Yes, just let me finish protect my guitar_.

_Ok Mr. Guitar, don't be late._.

_I won't ._ They are smiling each other.

Freddie puts his guitar over the beanbag and notices that there is a notebook under it.

_What is it?_ He seems curious. _Sam Puckett in the darkness_… _hahhah it is Sam's._

Freddie decides to peruse it, even knowing not right...Freddie reads a page, and another..

_Wait. Wait, oh no no , that' s not Sam's , No way. " I never wanted to be something for you since I have hated you for my whole life...""For you, I want to be everything, even empty""S.P"_

Freddie won't believe it if he wasn't reading into Sam's handwriting. Those quotes pervade Freddie's mind and he just couldn't control his eyes. Freddie feels something that never has been feeling before.

_Sam, Sam, are you-_

_Hey Freddie-,_ Carly returns to the studio. Freddie disguises but Carly says:

_Wait, what are you doing? Is everything ok? What's up with this note-_

_Nothing, I'm good, it is just my musical notebook , just forget about it anyways. Let's drink some lemonade?_

_I was waiting for you down-_ Carly is interrupted.

_So let's drink some lemonade_. Freddie puts Sam's notebook inside the guitar's cap.

_Kiddo, Fredd-O lemonade is ready, I'm going to drink it all myself._ Spencer yells downstairs.

Carly, Spencer and Freddie are enjoying limonade, but Freddie can't stop thinks about Sam.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Can't wait to share with you Chapter III. It's gonna be epic,**

**Dottynha**


	3. My misery

**A/N: Here we have what happened to Freddie and what he decided to do about Sam's notebook. There is a mention of _A-HA _band, the song_ Crying in the rain. _I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

><p>After has enjoyed some fun moments with Carly and Spencer, Freddie carefully took his stuffs and went home. It was already late night and he couldn't take it anymore. He pretended that was everything alright but had felt himself bad because lied to Carly. Freddie would enjoy say that to Carly but he knew that were Sam's notebook in he did wrong reading it. Those were Sam's thoughts, Sam's wishes, Sam against herself.<p>

Sam was already at home, but hadn't noticed that her notebook had been lost, she was angry, trying fight with her feelings for Freddie.

_Does Sam Puckett Have Feelings For Freddie Benson?_

That question used to pervade Sam's thoughts.

-_NO, NO, NO. I don't love anyone. That's all._ She cries out, pressing her head against the pillow.

So, Freddie singing Fast Car for the first time, definitely made Sam to feel something different. Different that everything she has been writing hidden. She hated to see Freddie staring Carly. She now only has feeling hate. She wants just to rip that notebook, but ironically she doesn't looking-for it.

Freddie is lying in his bed, but couldn't sleep. He didn't take back to read again Sam's notebook, but he was in such shocked knowing that Sam was in love with him and that she could write stuffs that he never had heard before from anyone. Freddie couldn't believe that Sam was able to write that amazing love words. But she did. Sam has been trying to hide her love in all the ways possible, so the only and miserable thing she can do is writing, since she hates Freddie as well, and in a way she has been hating even this love.

Freddie decides go to Sam's house, even late, even she could try to kill him.

_-Never mind. I have to do it, I have to talk to her, now._

Freddie doesn't want that his mother to wake up so he is pretty careful to leave.

Freddie notices that Lewbert is sleeping at lobby , so steals his apple.

_-Hah, that is in your honor, Sam, because you have been the funniest thing in my whole life._ Freddie thinks inside his mind, and with a little giggle looks at is watch. It's 9:30pm.  
><em>-I need to be fast.<em> Freddie walks to Sam's house, and in his way reflects about everything Sam has done for his life.

Freddie never wouldn't know who is he, without Sam.

_-She never will be a girl like Carly or a good girl. She will be always herself and that is wonderful because I'm tired of myself and need her to balance me and tell me how boring I'm._ Freddie thinking while giggle and laughs.

Sam is at her bedroom, there's nobody at home because her mother is hanging out with her friends.  
>She has the radio on while is eating fried chicken and listening some old songs.<p>

In this moment Freddie arrives, he notices that the door is open.

_-So, do I have knocking?_ _Maybe she will expulse me, I'm gonna coming._ Freddie seems determined .

_- Sam-_ Freddie is interrupted by the song what starts playing on the radio so he can listen Sam's voice singing together. He doesn't want lose it. It's magical. He closes his eyes, and relax while take care the notebook around his arms.

Sam doesn't know that Freddie is in her living room listening her singing _**A-HA, Crying in the rain:**_

_"I'll never let you see_  
><em>The way my broken heart is hurting in me<em>  
><em>I've got my pride and I know how to hide<em>  
><em>All my sorrow and pain<em>  
><em>I'll do my crying in the rain<em>  
><em>[..]<em>  
><em>Raindrops falling from heaven<em>  
><em>Could never take away my misery<em>  
><em>Since we're not together<em>  
><em>I pray for stormy weather<em>  
><em>To hide these tears I hope you'll never see"<em>

He can listen she sobbing while singing, so he thinks that maybe is better back home since she doesn't know yet that he is there .

* * *

><strong><strong>

**A/N: Thanks for all the comments. I'm feel really encouraged . That would be the end, but I decided share with you more of this story and to do an not so trivial end. We are about to find the answer of Sam's doubts. I apologize the waiting. Thanks for being my inspiration.**

**Dottynha**


	4. It's broken

**A/N Here we have the end of the cliffhanger. Freddie and Sam got seen each other, but Freddie wants to respect Sam's decision.**

* * *

><p>Freddie thinks about everything Sam Puckett has done and if reading her notebook has been changed something between them.<p>

- _Oh Sam, I won't steal it from you. While you want to keep it yourself I will respect. But .. _Just inside Freddie's thoughts

Without think about anything Freddie barely put the notebook on the couch and left. Unintentionally Freddie slams the door and foolishly begins to back home, his mind is empty. He can't believe _that Sam_ was really singing, and that amazing voice, wonderful melody, seemed sing with soul, with heart. Freddie was adrift and in this moment start to rain.

Sam had noticed a noise from her living room, so she decides look around. Still crying a little bit Sam arrives at the living room and notices that her notebook was barely put on the couch.

_-What is it doing here? I never..._- Sam was interrupted by her thoughts, remembering that afternoon when she was sitting on the beanbag.

_-No way-_ She looks at the door,_ - there was someone here._

Sam quickly opens the door and runs as much as she can to find the person that she already knows who is.

There is an heavy rain outside, and dark, but Sam still, can see that is Freddie running away.

Freddie doesn't even know that Sam is just behind him, but it doesn't matter anymore, _because nothing else matters._

Both are pretty wet by that rain seems doesn't stop so far.

Freddie still shocked by the scene he just has been protagonist, that selfish and grotesque Sam had showed herself a so lyrical person. Freddie tries to dry his forehead a little bit, but listening a voice screaming his name:

_-FREDDIE!_

This voice might not sounds that rude for him. Not anymore. He knows what she hides. Freddie barely turns around and they look at each other.

Sam is crying, but there is a lot rain so Freddie might not notices that she is crying in that way.

_-Sam, are you crying?_ said Freddie trying to extract something.

_-Of course I'm not, you imbecile. _

_-Sure, of course you aren't.._. Says Freddie sure that she is lying but he won't desagree. Freddie turns back his way and tries to keep walking home.

_-Wait, what are you doing here? _She seems that won't lose it .

_-Nothing, I did wrong my way, I was deceived, I gotta-_ Sam didn't let he finish the sentence.

_-I did was crying, Freddie. _She does knows that couldn't deny.

_-So why did you lie to me? WHY?_

_Because... I hate people seeing... me cry, I can't take it at all.._. Sam's tears are mixed with her wet hair and rain.

_-But you do have feelings besides all you try to hide-_ Freddie turns his back to Sam and says:

_-I know you hide...love..._He could not say that looking at her, but still, he gets closer her and they look fixed each other under rain.

_-Why did you never tell me all you have inside? Do you love anyone?_ Freddie's wet face couldn't hide that Sam's answer was everything he wants to hear . Since he knew that Sam wanted be everything to him as she wrote in the poem, her answer was just what could feed his soul.

They were there looking each other, while that heavy rain falling down, in the dark, for a few minutes.

Sam didn't say at least a word. Freddie turns his back, again. He wanted just hear from her that love, just a word what didn't come out.

Sam stayed there, under rain, crying, immobile.

* * *

><p><strong>AN. Might it be the end? Would you like to show an alternative end? I really would like to read it.**

**Thanks for beeing wih me so far.**

**Dottynha**


End file.
